Sandy Morris, This Is Your Life

San Diego

2011-11-03T14:38:00.000-05:00

Mark and Sandy hiking at Daley Ranch.

Entrance to Daley Ranch

A long, long hike. Up hill, both ways. At least, that's what it seemed like.

The world's best taquitos.

Sandy at Swami's Beach

Swami's Beach (as mentioned in Surfin' USA by the Beach Boys)

All I want to do is eat your brains.

Mark at the jerky store in Old Town San Diego.

Halloween

2011-11-01T14:27:00.000-05:00

Pirate Sandy and the kids

Han Solo (he shoots first)

Queen of Hearts

The Headless Horseman wants YOUR head!

About 60 trick-or-treaters came to our house this year.

Colin's pumpkin

She's definitely the queen of my heart.

Morris Kids Texas Vacation

2011-08-12T13:14:00.000-05:00

Meet Brandon Morris, my husband's nephew. He came to stay for two weeks with us this summer and we had a ton of fun.

We took the kids to Dinosaur Valley in Glen Rose. The water was too low to swim, but we saw the dino footprints.

The only swimming we got to do was at the hotel. The whole Paluxy River was a dry creek bed.

The kids enjoyed feeding the animals at Fossil Rim wildlife refuge.

The emu's are particularly aggressive.

The ultimate "angry birds."

The big horn sheep just drool on you.

You have to feed the giraffes from the sunroof instead of the window!

The big kitties were behind the fence. This one looks like he wants to play.

Great Wolf Lodge = $500

Frisco Rec Center = $6

Hmmm. Which was the better deal.

Magic Quest and ice cream at the Great Wolf Lodge

Caroline got girly time at the Scoops Spa.

Magic Quest at the Great Wolf Lodge.

Next, we got cowboy-ed up for the rodeo!

Pony rides

The children mostly cheered for the calves to win. "Escape those cowboys, little calf!" They did like the barrel riders, though.

More Hawaii Photos

2011-07-08T22:38:00.000-05:00

Barry and Lynn at Benihana

Caroline shows off the view from our room at the Hilton Hawaiian Village

You could see the beach and Diamond Head from our balcony.

James, Analida, and Marisa at Benihana

Addy and Lucy at Benihana

Mark and the kids visiting the tropical penguins (really!)

The warm weather penguins

Mark and the kids at Ala Moana Beach

Sandy and the kids at Hilton Hawaiian Village

Over sized avocados at the Hilo Farmers Market

The kids earned Junior Ranger Badges at Volcano National Park.

Caroline shows off her badge.

Being sworn in as Junior Rangers.

Our tour guide Ken scored us some rare white pineapple.

Black sand beach in Hilo (on the Big Island)

Kung Fu Colin

Queen Caroline -- Hawaiian Alii

Her royal highness, Princess Lani

Hawaii Photos

2011-07-08T12:01:00.000-05:00

Caroline -- my little wahine

Bill, Devon, and Joan at the birthday party.

Lani dances the hula at the birthday party.

Caroline at the Dole Plantation

Lani at the Dole Plantation

The kids enjoyed the world's largest hedge maze.

Allon and Sam tubing the irrigation ditches of the Lihue Sugar Plantation.

Allon

Brad in the lead.

Me and my bro'

James geared up to go tubing.

Josh

Heading into a tunnel.

Jude and Mark

Jude

"Hook 'em Horns" or "Hang Loose"?

Allon and Kelly in the jeep that took us to the ditches.

Stuart heads into one of the 1 mile long tunnels.

Mark and Colin geared up and ready to go.

Group shot of tubers

McGarry's at the Lihue Lutheran Church

Lani is a pickle.

The newly engaged couple.

Flingraham girls at the luau.

Group shot at the luau

Colin eagerly anticipates his Kalua Pig.

Tom and Sandy

Sandy at the Kauai Museum

End of Year Awards

2011-06-14T23:12:00.001-05:00

Colin and his many awards at the end of year ceremony.

Our trip to Austin/San Marcos

2011-06-14T23:10:00.000-05:00

Sandy and Jonathan in Austin

The kids enjoyed swimming at West Lake Beach

Showing off for JT and Jonelle

Getting into the cold San Marcos river.

Starting to warm up

The site formerly known as Peppers at the Falls (now a Saltgrass restaurant)

Mark goes for a swim in the falls.

Marisa's Luau

2011-05-04T08:32:00.000-05:00

Julie and Wade dancing

Uncle Alex

Birthday girl

Wahines

Proud Papa

Silly girls

While James and Analida are trying to take a family picture, Colin is trying to get to the cake.

Colin's Answers

2011-05-04T08:25:00.001-05:00

I am looking at a quiz taken by Colin. He got an F. The quiz was to see how well they had listened to a presenter who came to talk about drug use and stranger danger. I don't know what the questions were. I only have his answers. Even without the questions, I can see why he got an F.
This is what it says:

1) Police
2) Football Player
3) Engineer? I'm just guessing.
4) I don't know
5) Education is most important.

Only answer number 1 is a correct answer.

Caroline's Birthday Party

2011-04-05T10:32:00.000-05:00

Caroline wanted to have a sleep-over for her 12th birthday party. I said "no."

Then we found out that WOGA (World of Gymnastics Academy) did sleep-overs! She had 10 friends spend the night with her at WOGA. I stayed with them (unfortunately) but at least I didn't have to clean up the mess. It was a smashing success!

Yellow Belt Test

2011-04-05T10:02:00.000-05:00

Pretty Dogs

2011-04-05T09:45:00.001-05:00

An 31337 Education

2011-03-18T12:19:00.000-05:00

Overheard:
My niece Lani asked her cousin for Uncle Mark's email address.

Caroline: It's Mark underscore Morris. Do you know what an underscore is?
Lani: (indignantly) Of course I do. It's that little line like a dash, only it's at the bottom. You have to press the shift key to make it.
Caroline: OK, want to play pretend?
Lani: Sure, what should we play?
Caroline: Let's be little girls who live in a mobile home.
Lani: What's a mobile home?

By the way, Lani didn't write down the email address. My guess is, she didn't need to. How hard is it to remember Mark underscore Morris at Yahoo? Not hard at all, if you're 1337.

Feline Problems

2010-11-19T15:56:00.000-06:00

My cat has herpes.

It turns out that, like humans, cats can get herpes. In cats, it causes upper respiratory symptoms, conjunctivitis, and lesions in and around the eye. Like the kind that causes cold sores in humans, it is transmitted from cat to cat via discharge from the infected cat's eyes, nose, or mouth.

So the cat's not sleeping around. It would be hard to, since he's neutered. Of course he could have caught it from his slut mother, a feral stray who probably slept with every tomcat (and Dickcat and Harrycat) she came across before giving birth to her brood of bastard children underneath my neighbor's porch.

If you are detecting a bit of hostility here, let me explain that I have just been to the pharmacy, where I spent $125 on eye drops for Herpes Cat. $125. On eye drops. For a CAT! It would be a lot cheaper to just get a new cat.

Which brings me to my new hobby: cat wrestling. Every two hours, I'm supposed to hold this cat down, pry open his eye, and put in eye drops.

They have to be kept refrigerated too. The eye drops. Not the cat.

Needless to say, I'm sporting a few new claw marks on my arms, and a lot of fur on my clothes. I may need to rethink the wisdom of cats as pets.

Do goldfish get herpes?

Why Sandy Socked It To the (Frisco) PTA

2010-11-02T00:39:00.003-05:00

It is an indisputable fact that we are well off – my husband has a good job, I get to stay home with the kids, our mortgage will be paid off in a few years, and there is money for gymnastics and karate lessons. My kids may not get every single thing they want, but they certainly have everything they need, and then some.

The suburban city we live in has a median income of $103,000, almost twice the national average ($52,000). Only 3.6% of residents have incomes below the poverty line. The children of Frisco are Children of Privilege.

Raising Children of Privilege poses some difficulties. How do you teach your kids to the dangers of materialism in a community where “deprived” means they only have ONE American Girl doll?

This week, I quit the PTA. In fact, I more or less told them to “go to hell.” I’m not really proud of losing my temper, but the more I think about it, the more I feel it was the right decision.

Here’s what happened: I had volunteered to collect Box Tops this year. It’s a time consuming job; the Box Tops are less than 2 inches wide and each one has to be checked for its itty-bitty expiration date. Then they are grouped into bags of 50 and mailed to General Mills, who gives the school a check of 10 cents per Box Top. Our school averages about $3000 from this – that’s a lot of Box Tops!

The reason I volunteered for this tedious job, is that I was upset with the way it was run last year, and I felt that I needed to put my money where my mouth is. You see, each student was given a raffle ticket for every ten Box Tops they turned in, and the student with the winning raffle ticket got an iPod.

An iPod.

This is an elementary school. The child who gets this prize might be a Kindergartner. Who in their right mind would give an expensive consumer electronic to a Kindergartner? Ditto for a First and Second Grader. Some kids MIGHT be responsible enough in Third or Fourth grade, but frankly, I think that should be a parent’s decision.

Plus, an iPod has ancillary expenses – you have to own a computer to use it and you have to buy the songs at a dollar a pop. You’ve pretty much handed that kid’s parent a bill, not to mention the added responsibility of monitoring the kid’s downloads.

So, I wanted to change the prize, and I was willing to do the Box Top job to make that happen. My first suggestion was a gift card to Barnes & Noble, but there are tax problems with non-profits and gift certificates, so that wasn’t an option. For reasons I’m not clear on, it was also important that the prize not involve food, so a pizza or ice-cream party was out.

My next suggestion was an over-sized stuffed animal, but the PTA felt that older kids wouldn’t find that motivational. The latest Diary of a Wimpy Kid book might be seen by some parents as inappropriate. (I find it hilarious that a book present in every classroom in the school is inappropriate, but no one saw an issue with an iPod, which has virtually no educational value.) I asked the school librarian to suggest a different book. She said she liked the iPod idea! A basket of art supplies was rejected as boring, as was a basket of family-friendly board games. Finally, the PTA president grudgingly suggested tickets to the local minor league baseball team. The season doesn’t start until May, by the way; but at least it’s wholesome, community-oriented, and family friendly.

But I was feeling pissy. As far as I could tell, the only way in which her idea was better than mine, was that it was her idea and not mine. I’m not proud of my attitude, but my feelings were hurt and I was throwing myself a little pity party.

Then we had the PTA meeting. The PTA normally conducts meetings by holding parents hostage. They schedule a performance with the children, then hold the meeting before the kids take the stage. Generally, the parents vote yes on everything, like good little sheep, so that they can get it over with and see their kid, which is the only reason they are there in the first place.

On the agenda at that meeting was approving the Fun Run to be held again next year. Unfortunately for the PTA, someone asked a question. How much did we make? It turns out that the Fun Run brought in a whopping $70,000 – an extraordinary amount of money! But the trouble started when it was revealed that we only keep 52% of that; so half of what the parents gave the school goes to the company that coordinates the Fun Run. Now obviously, those folks put in a lot of work and deserve to be compensated for their time; but the question on the ballot is “should we do it again next year?” A lot of parents were starting to think no. That’s a hell of a lot of money. And what are we doing with all that money anyway, someone wants to know.

The answer: we are going to buy iPads and iTouches for all the classrooms. Again with the pricey consumer electronics; flashy, but of little educational value, all for a school that already has three fully equipped computer labs, a full time computer teacher, two computers in each classroom (one for the teacher and one for the students), AND a MacBook in every classroom. There is murmuring in the room. The president decided to table to motion until the February meeting, when, of course, there will be a different set of parental hostages present. Perhaps they won’t ask so many questions.

So it occurs to me, the PTA already has $36k. Do I really need to put my efforts into raising ANOTHER three grand? I’m starting to think no, and the more I think about it, the more I start to think that, in fact, I have a moral obligation to dedicate my time and money to something else. So I told the PTA to take this job and shove it. Actually I just told them that I was tired of the red tape and politics and that I was permanently done with the PTA, but the "shove it" was definitely implied.

So I’m giving my own Box Tops to a Title I school. A friend works there and tells me that they need basic necessities. And I’ve decided to get my daughter involved in the Roots and Shoots program, which coordinates service projects for kids. She and I are going to a food pantry to help stock shelves. Not the Frisco food pantry, serving Frisco’s token Poor Person; one that serves a large community of truly needy families.

It doesn’t change the fact that I’m raising Children of Privilege, but perhaps they can a least get a sense of just how privileged they are.

Wet

2010-09-08T11:25:00.003-05:00

Caroline says to me at 8:20 in the morning, "Mom, I forgot..." You already know how this story goes.

In this case, she "forgot" that she needed a CD with a song from the Tinkerbell album. I knew about this project, but she told me her partner already had the song.

"Yeah, but she has it on her iPod, and the teacher says it has to be on a CD."

So I said that I would go to the store and look for the CD, but that wasn't adequate.

"Today is our last rehersal date and we haven't actually done our choreograhy to the music yet."

She's been working on this project for two weeks! What have they been doing all this time?

So naturally, I spend my morning going all over town looking for this song, which is only available on ONE album, and is, as far as I can tell, out-of-print. Did I mention that it is POURING rain. Seriously, it hasn't rained this hard in the last year! Finally, a teenager at Toys R Us says "why don't you just burn it to a CD?" and I have to admit I have no idea how to do that.

He talks me through the process and I go home to do this. It took a while -- the first disk was actually a DVD-rom not a CD-rom, but I finally got it to work. Yea, me! Then, of course, I have to take it up to the school, again in the rain, so she will have it by 5th period.

I was soaked through. My tennis shoes were sloshing. The whole thing was so ludicrous that I couldn't be angry... it was just too funny. Now, however, I have changed into warm pajamas and I plan to stay that way until it's time to get the kids... in the rain.

The Dogs

2010-05-22T18:18:00.001-05:00

This entry was supposed to be about the dogs and their destructoid habits, but I find I am not yet in a place where I can see the humor. Check back in a decade or two.

When Girls Geek Out

2010-05-22T17:42:00.005-05:00

Our family has more than it's share of guys who geek out over gadgets, but a recent conversation with some friends reminded me that girls can "geek out" too.

Mother's Day resulted in major ohhing and ahhing over Debbi's new iPad, my new Keurig coffee maker (virtually instant and no clean up!), and Kari's exceptionally cool cookie jar shaped like a Tardis.

But the conversation really heated up when we learned that one of our pal's had the ultimate in Girl Gadgets...the Blendtec blender. This baby (demonstrated at www.willitblend.com) costs $400 and up and is featured in infomercials that show it's ability to blend an iPod, a rake, and other improbable items. Since my blender won't make a decent smoothie, I had serious blender envy. Our gal pal racked up serious cool points that day, despite admitting that she almost never actually uses the thing.

This isn't the first time Kari and I have bonded over geeky girl toys. One of our first conversations revolved around our mutual love of scrapbooking. I was wearing a scrapbooking t-shirt and a revoltingly gushy conversation followed:
"Oh My God! Do you scrapbook?" (squeal)
"Yes! Do you?" (squeal)
"We should totally get together and scrap!" (squeal)
And then Kari laid down her credentials. "Dude, you should come to my house. I have a Cricut," she says and then waits for the accolades to start. I didn't disappoint.
"You do! Oh my God! That is sooooo cool. You are the most awesome!"
More squealing, plus jumping up and down ensued.
This was later trumped by another friend who now owns a Silhouette.
Kari is so pwned.

Gluten Free Maui

2009-11-17T11:47:00.002-06:00

I just returned from beautiful Maui!!! Mark and I went to Hawaii four years ago and stayed on Oahu at the Hilton Hawaiian in Waikiki. It's amazing what a difference four years makes. On our last trip, I was miserable, unable to find food, and getting "glutened" at least once a day. Four years later, the world has heard of Gluten Intolerance, even in the far-reaches of Hawaii.

We were staying at the amazing Grand Wailea resort. It was beautiful and lush, with incredible landscaping and art. In many ways it was similar to the Hilton Hawaiian Village on Oahu, but far more elegant.

The hotel breakfast buffet gets high marks from me: they had gluten-free cereal (Gorilla Munch) on the buffet! Not "we can get you something from the kitchen." On. The. Buffet. They had a yogurt parfait station, so I used Gorilla Munch instead of granola, and added nuts and dried fruit.

The hotel restaurant Humunumuokanapa's was not as easy. However, they did manage a salmon entree for me, eliminating the sauce that normally comes with it, and substituting a citrus butter sauce. The restaurant was soooo expensive though, that I really felt that they could have done better than a piece of nearly naked salmon for $40. Bu then, at those prices, I might have felt that way, even if I wasn't gluten free.

We ate at a luau in Lahaina -- The Feast of Lele. This was incredible. Regarding the show itself, I've been to two luau's in Oahu, and the one at Disney World, and this was in a different class all together. Food wise, they could not have been more accommodating. I had told them I was GF when I made the reservation, and when I checked in they immediately said "which of you is gluten free?" I didn't need to remind them. They were all prepared for me. Every course that came out, the server either told me it was safe for me, or brought me a separate entree. Even Disney has never impressed me this much, and they are my standard for Gluten Free Accommodation. And the food was delicious. We were so full, we didn't even eat dessert, for fear of exploding.

The other big win in Maui was Mama's Fish House on the north shore. Many years ago, I read about Trader Vic's restaurant, and I thought it sounded so cool. When I finally got to go to a Trader Vic's (in Washington, D.C.) it fell short of my expectations. Mama's Fish House was everything I had wanted Trader Vic's to be! The atmosphere of elegant Hawaiian kitch is hard to pull off, but they did it so well. They were also very knowledgeable about gluten, and knew which entrees were safe. The server even brought me some wheat-free soy sauce (tamari) on the side! After mooning over my husband's terryaki meals for days, it was so nice to finally have some soy sauce. I had Opa, a very meaty fish that is almost like chicken. It was fabulous, and the presentation was beautiful. It was like a work of art. I also had a Lava Flow, which is a pina colada with strawberry syrup drizzled down the side. It was delicious, but more importantly, the server went way way out of her way to ensure it was gluten-free. She and the manager actually went out to the freezer to find the original packaging as the bar didn't have the ingredients list. I hadn't even asked if it was GF. They just took it upon themselves to ensure it was safe for me. They earned my everlasting affection for that!

I also need to mention Joy's, a little health food store in Kihei (east side of Maui). After so many rich meals, we were relieved to find this little oasis of "normal food." When people talk about "homestyle" cooking, they usually mean fried foods (at least here in the South). But the food my mama made was never chicken fried steak. We ate low fat, low salt, with lots of veggies. So for me, this was "homestyle." Mark had a turkey and avocado sandwich. He had it on bread, but it was also available in a rice wrapper or wrapped in kale, both great GF options. I had vegetarian chili with tortilla chips. I tasted their soup of the day, which was potato (very good) and they also had smoothies, so there were lots of good choices for the Traveling Celiac.

Gluten Free Bama Goes to Santa Fe

2009-11-17T11:44:00.003-06:00

From my mother:
Steve and I flew out on Friday to Santa Fe. I took food with me, since you don't know what will be showing up foodwise on the road. We were upgraded to first class (both ways!!!!) so I was able to eat some of the shrimp salad and the fruit salad. We went to the art auction site early in the evening and they had a little munchies buffet, so we ended up skipping dinner Friday night all together. I ate mostly celery sticks myself—with a little glass of sparkling wine. We stayed at the Hotel Santa Fe which has a very nice small restaurant called Amaya. The staff there was very knowledgeable and we had breakfast there both Saturday and Sunday. They made off menu breakfasts for me of eggs, potatoes with a little paprika and a side dish of beans. Saturday night we had dinner there as well and the meal was spectacular. It was a very reasonably priced prix fixe menu, and I ordered the salmon. It was supposed to come with a blue cheese risotto, but for me they served some very nice little diced potatoes with some pearl onions with a sort of pesto like seasoning. They also served me some extra vegetables, including some small roasted carrots that were quite nice. The meal started with a salad the had diced jicama in it and a very light lime dressing. The dessert though was bowl-licking good. It was two small desserts on one plate – a very nice crème brulee and the real killer dessert – espresso pot de crème topped with whipped cream. Whoa! That's when I wondered if I could get away with picking up the little cup and licking it clean.

We did skip lunch both Saturday and Sunday, since the breakfasts were a bit late to coordinate with the auction times. We went to the car both days though while the auctions were in progress and items we were not going to bid on were up, and ate crackers and potato chips and fruit. I should note that the Hotel Santa Fe is within walking distance of a Whole Foods Market and I walked over there –going through the Santa Fe Farmer's Market on the way. I would have loved to buy some of the creative chili wreaths, but worried about getting them back on the plane undamaged.

Sunday after the auction we drove down to Albuquerque and using the GPS found Paisano's which was a wonderful oasis in the gluten-y desert. We split a sausage stuffed Portabello Mushroom with a very tasty spaghetti sauce and I ordered pizza!!! Wow. That was wonderful. There were many dishes that I could have ordered, but the one that I never get is pizza. And it was very good pizza too. We took our leftovers – Steve had pizza too—in separate little cartons (his was “normal”) and kept them over night in the refrigerator in our hotel room and ate pizza for breakfast before the trip back.

Dog Days of Summer

2009-10-12T13:57:00.002-05:00

The children spent the entire summer begging for a dog. Signs appeared throughout the house with slogans like "Dogs: Man's Best Friend" and "A Vote For Dogs Is A Vote For America!" (I'm not kidding.) Every time they put a dish in the sink or hung up a jacket, they pointed it out. "See, I'm responsible enough to have a dog."

So I have been worn down. We decided a Golden Retriever was the way to go, and started a search. Mark wanted a puppy, not a grown dog. Caroline wanted a Rescued Dog from the pound. I wanted a furry dog (more fun to pet). And Colin wanted a little dog, maybe a teacup poodle, but was overruled by his Daddy, who feels that would be a poor reflection on his own manliness.

So we finally found a dog on the Internet that looked likely, and went to see it. Great dog. Sweet dog. Cuddly dog. Dog has a sibling. Awww, we can't separate the dogs! So it is possible that we will end up with two dogs.

I am such a sucker.

Celiac Mom Goes to Las Vegas

2009-10-12T13:53:00.003-05:00

The following is from my Mom. Travel is always a challenge on a Gluten Free diet, but she is great at it. Mommy, can you try to replicate that caramel/walnut cheesecake for me? Pleeease?

"Last week we went to Las Vegas and then Kingman AZ and the Skywalk at Grand Canyon West and then back to Las Vegas for a couple more days. The challenge: eating gluten free. Thursday night we just skipped dinner because we had eaten on the plane, which meant that I ate the cheese and lettuce out of the first class “snack” , and I think there was some fruit too. I had some mini corn muffins with me which I had made from the Gluten Free Pantry’s Yankee Cornbread mix. I had some grapes too and a couple of tangerines and apples in reserve.

Ate the buffet at Casear’s Palace for breakfast. There was an omelet station. I had some yogurt too and some fruit, juice and tea. Lunch was at Chipotle, down at the Outlet Malls on Las Vegas Blvd. The y understood what they were supposed to about the gloves. It was so nice. Then we headed out of town. Before dinner we went to a little wine bar in Kingman, where we heard an accordion player and had a glass of wine. Had dinner in a wonderful Italian restaurant in Kingman, AZ, Mattina’s Ristorante Italiano, at 318 E. Oak St., well worth going to. They had been warned ahead by some good friends who had made the reservation for us, and were waiting for us. I ate a shrimp appetizer and a fish entree that was maybe a little spicy for my taste, but excellent, washed down with a glass of Riesling. They did not have Riesling by the glass on the menu, but they served it anyway. I was most grateful. The dessert was a killer – crustless cheesecake with caramel and walnuts. I ate it all, in spite of having recently embarked on a semi- Ornish style diet.

Next morning there was a breakfast buffet at the Marriott in Kingman ( a somewhat bizarre hotel that looks like it might have been decorated by an 8th grader who loves lots of aquamarine tones.) I had the ubiquitous hard boiled egg, some yogurt and some rather ordinary fruit—and tea.

No lunch. Ate the leftover tangerine and mini muffins and drank water. We were at the Skywalk, which is an exorbitantly priced, but thrilling, place. Lunch may actually have been included in our ticket. I’m not sure, but didn’t want to chance it.

We stopped at the Bonefish Grille in Henderson on the way back in to Las Vegas, another great choice, and my favorite meal of the trip Bonefish is owned by the same group that has Outback and Carrabba’s, so they had a gluten free menu and were very knowledgeable. I drank a Mojito with the excellent Chilean Sea Bass and nicely done vegetables. No dessert, but later in the evening we had some tea and a bit of chocolate (Dagoba).

There is a buffet in the NYNY, but I am not recommending it. It was pretty pricey for the yogurt and fruit, with juice and tea. The next two mornings I went into the little Essentials store near the pool and bought a yogurt and orange juice for five dollars, made tea in my room and bought some scones at Whole Foods which is down Las Vegas Blvd at Town Square, not too far from Chipotle’s, where we once again had lunch. Incidentally, Las Vegas does not encourage anyone making tea or coffee in their room. There is no coffee maker in any of the ordinary rooms in Las Vegas. (Our friends had a penthouse suite and they had a whole kitchen, as well as a dining room.) I carry a mug, tea bags, sugar and a heating coil with me. The coils are no longer obtainable (or at least, I have not been able to obtain one), so when it dies, I’m toast (gluten free toast).

Dinner that night was at Hugo’s Cellar, which was quite lovely. Hugo’s gives all the ladies in the party a rose, and they make the salads individually at the table, quite lavish. It could have been (quite probably should have been) a meal in itself. I had another fish dish, this one en papillote, which they cooked in a saute pan at the table. Quite elegant. They had some little desserts on a communal plate included with the dinner, but I didn’t trust them. Then we all went out to Fremont Street and watched the canopy video for awhile (the song at the top of the hour was American Pie) and the spray painter. One couple got a cartoon drawing done of themselves.

No lunch the last day either, after scones, juice and yogurt for breakfast. I was too busy shopping for a Dali print at the Fashion Show Mall. I didn’t see too much in the way of eateries in there, though I think I have read on someone’s post that The Capitol Grill will accommodate gluten free diners.

Crackers and potato chips on the flight back and a tiny nibble of Parmesan cheese that I bought at Whole Foods. Ate the shrimp and some of the lettuce out of the first class (got bumped both ways!) salad and some ordinaryish fruit. Drank club soda. Off the plane in time to go home and have supper. What did we eat? I forget. The trip was over. Back to reality."

Life with a Bipolar Child

2009-06-09T12:24:00.002-05:00

They do not officially diagnose children with Bipolar Disorder, but it is commonly known that children can exhibit "early onset" bipolar disorder. Unfortunately, Caroline exhibits some classic bipolar symptoms.
This morning was particularly exciting.

Caroline wasn't able to get to sleep until around 11 pm, then woke up at 4 am and went downstairs. I heard her rustling about and knew she was manic (if not, she would have gotten into bed with us) but I was too tired to care. I should have gotten up and given her Seraquel.

So at 5 am she comes and wakes us up and says she's planned a big surprise downstairs and she wants us to come down "right now!!!" My husband said he would come down at 6 am, and told her to go lie down until then.

So at 6 am, she was asleep. Hubby went downstairs and saw what she had done. It was adorable. She had streamers and signs that said "Family Day." It was a bit surreal, like a pint-sized Martha Stewart had invaded the house. She even had a plate of chips and Cheetos artfully arranged in the center of the table. Next to each person's spot at the table, there was a "gift" and flowers.

Mark was given a short story she wrote (last night while manic). Next to my spot she had placed some gluten free recipes printed from the Internet for me, and her brother's spot had her Nintento DS Lite and iPod with a note that he could borrow them. Each of us had a "breakfast" of sliced pears and M&M's. Very sweet, not counting the unsupervised use of knife and Internet.

Mark left for work without waking her up, since we were glad she was getting some rest, but sadly she was up again fairly soon after (around 6:30). I came downstairs and cooed over everything ("oh that is so cute!") and Caroline was grinning and then suddenly her face fell and she burst into tears. She literally went from radiant to miserable in the space of a second. "This isn't how it was supposed to go!" she wails. Then a rant about how she had all these games and activities planned and now she can't do them because Daddy isn't there.

I tried (gently!) to remind her that she knew Daddy had to go to work. Even if he had woken her up, he wouldn't have been able to play games with her. But she's just sobbing uncontrollably. So I left to get showered and dressed. When I come back down at 8 am, she's cried herself to sleep. But now I have to wake her up to get her to choir camp.

So she's angry and refusing to get up, doesn't want to take her pills, won't go to choir camp ("I won't I won't I won't!!!") She says choir camp is boring and she hates it. (Yesterday she was over the moon about how much fun it was.) So I explain that other kids are counting on her to be there and that this is not a choice. I brush her hair, bring her clothes to her, pour her cereal, get her shoes, pack her bag, like I'm some sort of lady-in-waiting and promise to drive her (it's three blocks).

She's limping around the house and falling against the wall like some sort of prat-fall comedy skit. I held her up as we went to the car and helped her in. Suddenly, she's chattering about the book she read (in the middle of the night) and happily recounts the plot. We get to choir camp, I let her out of the car, she kisses me and says "I love you, Mommy! You're the best!" and runs into the school!

Whew. That was easy.

Would You Rather...

2009-04-03T12:19:00.002-05:00

What is it about boys? This is Colin's writing assignment. The topic was "Would you rather?"

Would you rather be a worm, or the most tastiest breakfast cereal?
Would you rather be eaten by any of these sea creatures? (illustrations show people being eaten by sharks, etc.)
Would you rather slay a dragon, slay a vampire, or stick a knife in your stocking 5 times a day? (Odd note off to the side says "like Columbus" -- don't know what that's about.)
Would you rather chew your pinky, your ring finger, your index finger, your pointer finger, or your thumb?
Would you rather ride a wolf, or pick up cow dung without gloves?
Would you rather have worm pizza or snake pizza?
Would you rather sing or read, or would you rather sleep in your own bed?

$44 cup of soup

2009-02-15T09:11:00.003-06:00

Summary -- the Clay Pit in Dallas is not a good location for gluten free diners. That's all you really need to know. The rest of this essay is whining. Continue at your own risk.

I had heard good things about the Clay Pit from my husband who goes there for business lunches. I found online reviews from patrons of the Austin location of the Clay Pit who said that many of their entrees were gluten free and that the staff had a list of safe choices.

I forgot two things. 1) Austin isn't Dallas. 2) It was Valentine's Day.

The Clay Pit in Dallas (actually in Addison on Belt Line Rd) had a price fixed menu for the evening. $44 per person including appetizer, soup or salad, entree, and dessert.

A manager did come out to speak with me and (after many trips back and forth to the kitchen) pretty much told me there were only two things on the menu I could eat. The mulligatawny soup and the Okra Vindaloo.

I really don't like okra, so after a couple more trips, she told me the kitchen could modify the Vegetable Korma for me to make it safe. The tandoori chicken, she said, was off limits.

So I had the mulligatawny soup. It had a very nice nutty flavor, and although the curry was hotter than a prefer, it was still very good. I also had the vegetable korma, which was very creamy and mild. It would have been really good with some chicken in it.... sigh.

Since there were no desserts that I could eat, Mark and Colin decided to pass on dessert and take me to Yogurtland instead. The Clay Pit still charged us the full price fix.

Lessons learned -- call ahead. I really dislike calling. I have kind of a phone phobia and it seems like I am never able to communicate as well on the phone as in person, but at the very least I would have learned that there was a restricted menu for that evening, and we could have tried it another night.

I'm done with the Clay Pit, but Caroline was enchanted with Colin's description of the Naan (the only thing he ate) and wants her Daddy to take here there. I see a $44 piece of bread in her future.

Gluten Free Atlantis

2009-02-13T10:32:00.003-06:00

We just returned from the Atlantis Resort in the Bahamas. We all had a great time. It's a perfect place to take kids; in some ways it's better than Disney in that it is smaller and more manageable. For example, we never had to take a bus to go anywhere. We even walked to the Dolphin Encounter. (a must do!)

One of the reasons we chose the Atlantis was that my mother and I are Celiacs and must eat gluten-free. We had heard that Atlantis was very accommodating.

I filled out a lot of paperwork before hand to let them know we would be arriving and need a special diet, but the restaurants didn't seem to know we were coming (unlike Disney, where the servers already know before you walk in the door). Nevertheless, everywhere we went they were very accommodating. We spoke with the head chef at each place we went, and they reviewed the menu (or buffet) with us. They were also willing to make special requests -- for example, they had a stir fry station at the Marketplace Buffet. Since the grill was "contaminated" by soy sauce (which contains wheat), the chef prepared our stir fry in a separate pan. Delicious!

Every place we went had tons of fresh fruits and vegetables, so it was easy to eat healthy, gluten free food. We did have some difficulty with finding Quick Service places to eat. I had a hamburger without the bun at a fast food stand, but Mom preferred to skip lunch rather than risk cross-contamination.

Several sit-down restaurants offered us gluten-free bread and/or pancakes. My advice -- say no. They were pasty and awful. Stick with "real" food.

Places we ate:
Marketplace (breakfast and dinner) -- incredible selection, good food, head chef was extremely accommodating.
Water's Edge buffet (breakfast) -- not as big a selection as Marketplace, but plenty of good food including lots of fresh fruit. I didn't bother to talk to a chef here as I just ate hard-boiled eggs, fruit, and yogurt.
Bahamian Club (dinner) -- expensive "fine dining" restaurant. The food was very good and the head chef came out and talked to us personally. Since we could not eat the onion side dish that normally come with the dinner entrees, she made us side dishes from veggies she prepared herself, including some roasted garlic, which was absolutely perfect.
Bimini Road -- Caribbean-themed restaurant that falls under their "relaxed dining" category. The food was excellent and the atmosphere was fun. I had Chicken Mojo and the chef prepared my veggies separately again. I think Mom had fish. The chef made a special dessert of grilled pineapple, since we couldn't eat anything on the desert menu.

All in all, I think Atlantis is an excellent destination for the gluten-free traveler, as well as whole lot of fun.

Old Fashioned Boy

2009-02-13T10:24:00.003-06:00

Colin seems to be embracing the ideal of simplicity lately.

We discussed numerous locations for his birthday party, for example. I was adament that it would NOT be at home and suggested at least ten alternatives, none of which he liked. Finally, he threw up his hands in exasperation.

"Why can't I just have an ordinary birthday party?" he demanded.

I thought that was an interesting phrase, so I asked him what an "ordinary" party would entail.

"It would be at home or in a park. We'd play Pin the Tail on the Donkey and have a pinata shaped like the number seven," was his immediate reply.

He's right. That would be a very ordinary birthday... 30 years ago. Here in Frisco, however, parties have clowns, or ponies, or take place at themed locations like Build-A-Bear.

In the end, he lost the argument, but enjoyed his cooking party at Young Chef's Academy where they learned to make pizza... the old fashioned way.

Places Colin Loves

2008-11-16T16:08:00.002-06:00

Colin had an assignment at school to learn about the five senses. He listed places he loves and what he smells, touches, hears, tastes, and sees there.

Things at HOME you...
smell: fresh food
touch: my mom
hear: my mom
taste: cereal
see: the couch

Things at DISNEY WORLD you...
smell: fresh air
touch: my dad
hear: screaming
taste: milk (After we shelled out $4 for a Mickey Ice Cream, he remembers "milk"?)
see: my best friend Summer (awwww...)

Things at PENNSYLVANIA you...
smell: yummy pie
touch: relatives
hear: talking
taste: PIE! (I'm thinking the pie made an impression)
see: Farmer's Markets

Things at the GRAND CANYON you...
smell: rock
touch: rock
hear: rock
taste: fruit loops (at least it wasn't "rock")
see: rock
(I'm thinking TWO trips to the GC didn't make as big an impression as pie.)

Things in AUSTIN you...
smell: fresh air
touch: Uncle Alex
hear: "Wahooo" (football games, obviously)
taste: cereal (where's Amy's Ice Cream???)
see: U.T.

Learning What Counts

2008-09-15T11:31:00.003-05:00

So there I am in Target, with boxes and boxes of dice. The sales clerk can't help himself.
"So what is it you're gonna roll all them dice on?" he drawls with a chuckle.
I explain that Colin's teacher needs them as part of a class project.
"So are they teaching the kids to play craps in first grade now?" he asks.
"No," I say. "This is a public school. They don't teach anything useful."

Predators

2008-08-08T22:08:00.005-05:00

Mark and the kids have been watching a lot of Man Versus Wild, staring an outdoorsman named "Bear." Bear is now the kids new hero.

Mark asked the kids which of Bear's (many) skills was the most important. Someone suggested "staying away from predators."

I said that didn't seem to be a big priority to him, or else he wouldn't end up close to so many of them. Mark retorted that staying away from predators was pretty darn important to Bear, or else he wouldn't be alive. I said that I do a much better job of staying away from predators... I don't get myself into those sorts of situations to begin with!

Caroline mentioned that Frisco has coyotes. I had to admit that Frisco does have its own predators, especially the fearsome Dance Team Moms.

"Oh, yeah," said Mark solemnly, "you can't get much scarier than that."

Sexiest TV Geeks

2008-07-31T14:51:00.004-05:00

A website called Angry Puppy ran a poll a few weeks ago to determine the "sexiest tv geeks."
Their results can be found here .
Please note that the original target audience for this poll was gay men, but the word got around and women soon swamped their site. Nerd Loving Women of the World Unite!

My own response:
10) Dr. Jack Shepherd on Lost
9)The 10th Doctor on Doctor Who
8) Clark Kent (Dean Cain, Christopher Reeve, Tom Welling -- doesn't matter.)
7) Dr. Bashir on Deep Space Nine
6) Tony Stark in the recent Iron Man movie
5) Captain Archer from Enterprise
4) The accountant on Ugly Betty
3) William the Bloody Awful Poet (pre-Spike) on Buffy
2) Fox Moulder on X-Files
1) Willow Rosenberg on Buffy (Never mind gender. You know I'm right.)

I should also mention that Captain Jack Harkness on Torchwood (one of the winners on the Angry Puppy poll) is the too hot for words, but he's not really a geek, despite being on a sci-fi show and having lots of cool gadgets. So he doesn't count.

Update: Mark says that Captain Jack Harkness, who keeps a dismembered hand in a glowy jar, is clearly geekier than Jack Shepherd, who has a tatoo. "But it's a mystical tatoo," I whine. "That just makes him cooler, not geekier" says Mark. So Jack from Lost is off the list, and Jack from Torchwood is back on, in the number two spot. But not even the great Jack Harkness (and oh, he is sexy!) can come close to the sexy geekiness that is Willow. Cause, you know... she's Willow.

A few of my favorite things...

2008-07-31T08:41:00.002-05:00

Really funny books:
Lamb by Christopher Moore
The Stupidest Angel by Christopher Moore
What They Did to Princess Paragon by Robert Rodi
Bridget Jones' Diary by Helen Fielding
Another Fine Myth by Robert Lynn Asprin
Undead and Unwed by Mary Janice Robinson
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

Mind your P's and Q's

2008-03-27T16:13:00.002-05:00

School projects. Urg.

Last month, the Kindergarten class had a special project to do in celebration of their 100th day of school. Each child was to collect 100 objects and display them in a creative way.

Colin flunked. Well, ok he didn't flunk, because they don't actually give real grades in Kindergarten, but he was told to do the project over.

You see, Colin drew a large graph with 100 spaces and filled in each space with the letter Q. ("Why Q?" I asked. "Because they are unusual" said Colin.) They only thing I did was procure a piece of poster paper and get him a ruler. He did the rest himself.

I don't need to tell you that, on the morning the project was due, the Kindergarten pod was filled with projects that looked like they were done by Martha Stewart in conjunction with a professional architect. Buttons, sea shells, Legos, pennies, and beads were arranged in beautiful patterns. Some spelled out the child's name or formed pictures. They had been turned into coasters, necklaces, and 3-D models. Many involved paper mache.

Colin's project, done all by himself and his own idea, was unacceptable... because he didn't COLLECT anything. That's right, folks. That which you create yourself is not good enough in the suburbs. Apparently the point of the project is not to ensure the child knows what 100 of something looks like, it's to encourage them to grow up to collect.

I decided not to make him re-do the project on the grounds that it was unabashed materialism. Either that, or I'm just lazy.

But I do know that he learned what he needed to learn. Today a paper came home from school in which he wrote about his project. "For the 100th day of school I collected Qs and I turned my collection into a Q graph."

I'm not worried a bit.

The truth as he sees it

2008-03-27T16:11:00.004-05:00

The worksheet said to complete the following sentences:

I have ________ eyes.
I have ________ hair.
My hair is __________.

Colin writes:
I have SOME eyes.
I have LOTS OF hair.
My hair is BEAUTIFUL.

Sweet

2008-03-27T16:09:00.001-05:00

Colin's class was supposed to write down things they liked about Kindergarten and why. Colin's contribution:

"Lunch because no work. Also brownies."

The Very Funny Boy

2008-03-27T16:04:00.002-05:00

The Kindergarten classes were studying insects this month and, as part of that unit, they read all the Eric Carle "very" stories: The Very Hungry Caterpillar, The Very Quiet Cricket, etc.

Part of one assignment was to create a book cover for the "very" story you would write.

Colin's invented "The Very Swimmy Duck."

Isn't that just ducky!

Good Fortune

2008-03-27T16:02:00.003-05:00

The kids love to eat at Pho Que Hong. Don't get too excited. They aren't eating anything exotic. They eat chicken soup.

As we were leaving yesterday, Colin broke open his fortune cookie and read "Someone thinks you are wonderfully mysterious."

Caroline shouts out "...and magically delicious!"

Let It Snow!

2008-03-05T12:29:00.003-06:00

I love living in Dallas! Twice a year, or so, it snows. Not a big blizzard, just a gentle snowfall. We wake to find the neighborhood covered in a light dusting of snow. There is enough to make a snowman, or have a snowball fight, but not so much that we can't go to work or school. By the afternoon it has melted away without a trace. There is no slush to muck up the entryways to our homes, no dirty boots to clean, no endless weeks of waiting for spring. The weather will warm up tomorrow. It's the perfect winter weather.

Yesterday morning was one of those perfect snow days. The kids bounded out of bed and ran outside in not-nearly-enough clothes. And Colin indulged in his most favorite pasttime: eating snow. (The picture is of him eating snow at the Grand Canyon. He is a true snow conisseur.)

Mom sent this article to me about the dangers of eating snow

Since it only snows once or twice a year, I think I'll let him risk it.

The Bottom Line at Disney

2008-01-12T15:04:00.000-06:00

The Disney Yacht and Beach Club
Pros: Best pool and beach at Disney. Nightly campfires, sing-a-longs, and watching movies on the beach. Has it's own childcare clubhouse. Restaurant has a character breakfast in the morning and clam bake at night. Ice Cream shop serves a gi-normous sundae called the Kitchen Sink. Walk to Epcot and Disney Studios.

Cons: Very expensive. Restaurants are very crowded. Mousekeeping was sub-par while we were there (clogged toilets, forgot to leave shampoo or soap, erratic cleaning times).

Bottom Line: The Swan and Dolphin resort is right next door and is a lot cheaper.

Character Meals

Cape May Cafe at the Beach Club: good buffet with yogurt bar. Goofy, Minnie, Chip and Dale appear in beach attire.
Crystal Palace in the Magic Kingdom: Winnie the Pooh, Eeyore, Tigger, and Piglet lead the kids on a parade through the restaurant. Great natural lighting. Fantastic buffet.
Chef Mickeys: Good food including roast beef station, but you are there for the atmosphere. Mickey, Minnie, Donald, and Puto host an high energy celebration. Best Mickey experience.
Garden Grill: Rotating restaurant in The Land pavillion at Epcot. Overlooks the Living With the Land attraction. Mickey, Pluto, Chip and Dale appear, but it's not a great photo op as the lighting in the restaurant is poor. Fantastic food including a lot of vegetables, all of which are grown in the Land pavillion.
Akershus Princess Breakfast: Great way to meet the Princesses. Belle, Jasmine, Snow White, and Sleeping Beauty and Mulan. Eggs, bacon, and sausage are brought to the table, with other items available on the buffet. A few nods to Norweigan food are present such as smoked salmon and gooseberry jam.

Bottom Line: Character meals are the BEST way to meet characters and get their photos and autographs. The food is overpriced and average. You are paying for the character experience.

Disney World

This is our second trip in the past year (used an annual pass in Feb then again the following Jan for maximum value). Over and over my duaghter kept saying "I just love Disney World!" And who can blame her? What's more, they cateer to my Gluten-Free needs so I don't have to spend all my time looking for safe food to eat.

Pros: Happiest Place on Earth
Cons: Heartstoppingly Expensive

Bottom Line: We'll go back again as soon as we can save up the money!

Excuses, excuses

2008-01-12T14:56:00.000-06:00

To: Smith Elementary School

Please excuse the absences of Caroline and Colin Morris on 1/7/08 as they were ill. True, they were at 30000 feet on the way home from Disney World, so they wouldn't have been able to attend even if they had not been ill. However, riding Mission Space twice followed by airplane turbulance would make anyone sick. In fact, if I were a better parent I probably would not have sent them to school on the 8th either. After all, two weeks of travel, eating nothing but chicken nuggets, left them not only air sick, but also exhauted and constipated. But I had things to do and I needed them out of my hair, so I sent them to school anyway. Now they are your problem.

Thank you for your understanding.

Grand Canyon Re-View

2008-01-04T14:01:00.000-06:00

Another year goes by and once again I found myself staring into the abyss. Ok, it was actually the Grand Canyon.

Last year we went with the Ingraham branch of the family to Arizona to visit the famous national park and one year later, to the day, we found ourselves back there again, this time with the Morris family.

Initially I was reluctant to do the return trip. We had just been to the canyon, and a the very least I felt we ought to do it during a different season. But to accomodate everyone's schedules, the week after Christmas was the only time that worked.

I was so wrong. First of all, the canyon is just so incredibly gorgeous that you can't get tired of looking at it. Plus it is a constantly changing landscape. Even sitting and watching one spot, your eyes focus in from one thing to another as the light moves and the shadows come and go.

Also, last year we had a lot of fog. On my previous trip, 15 years ago, the canyon was foggy. This year was the first time I have ever had a really clear view all the way down into the canyon.

The other thing that made this trip so great is that we took a different path. With the Ingrahams, we journeyed west to Hermit's Rest using a road that is only open to private vehicles during the months of December and January. This year we went in the other direction to the Desert View Watchtower, at the far eastern end of the canyon. The view from the top of the watchtower was breathtaking.

It was a great family vacation and I think that everyone enjoyed themselves. There was a distinct lack of quarreling, which is the best gague of any family vacation. I'd even be willing to go back again next year, but I want to go to the far western end near Kingman and see the new glass skywalk. Hint, hint, Dad!

Merry Christmas

2007-12-25T15:31:00.000-06:00

I know that I am officially a grown-up now. Christmas is over and I feel... relieved!

The kids tore through the presents with squeals of delight. We had a warm fire in the fireplace (burning all the wrapping paper, since there is no more room in our trash can). Everyone got exactly what they wanted, no one cried, screamed or threw a tantrum, and only one minor injury occurred all day. It was quickly remedied with a kiss and a band-aid.

We are now off on not one, but TWO vacations. We will meet up with the Morris family (Mark's mom, dad, two brothers, a one of the nephews) in the Grand Canyon tomorrow. We return on the 30th. Then we turn right around and head back out the door to Disney World on the 1st! In addition to Mickey and Minnie, we will be visiting our friends, the Knapps, who moved away to Florida last year.

I want to wish everyone a very merry Christmas... and God bless us, every one.

Christmas Wishes

2007-12-04T14:19:00.000-06:00

Caroline has long had an "imaginary friend" named Magnus. He's not a real imaginary friend (and isn't that an oxymoron!), just a character about whom she tells stories.

Magnus is "the world's naughtiest boy." Her tales of his exploits are always about the naughty behavior he indulges in. Even as an infant, Magnus would climb out of his crib and let animals out of the zoo or drive a race car. His sister Gwendolyn always tries, but fails to keep him out of trouble. Magnus is the founder of The Triple Trouble Bubbles, a club for naughty children in which Caroline, Colin, and Lani all claim membership.

This week, Caroline presented us with "Magnus' Christmas Wish List."

A DVD: "Magnus: Season 1, The Naughty Years"
A book: "One hundred and One Ways to Be Naughty"
Craft supplies: Dracula stickers
Electronics: a German Automatic

Yikes! Magnus just went from naughty child to serial killer! Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Only funny if...

2007-12-04T14:16:00.000-06:00

... you've read all the Harry Potter books.

Colin was not getting his work done at school so the teacher suggested that he meet with her after school one day a week until he got caught up.

"Oh my God!" says Caroline. "He's taking Remedial Potions!"

Seasons

2007-11-19T08:01:00.000-06:00

On Being Persephone...

It is hot as Hades
As I sit with my love
On a sweltering Texas afternoon.

Elsewhere winter has begun
But not here
In my Southern paradise.

I eat hatch green chiles
Washed down with the tempting fruit
Of a strawberry margarita.
It provides sweet relief from the heat.

I like it here.
I think I'll stay.

On Being Demeter...

I lie in the grass
Side by side
With my beautiful child,
Watching the clouds
Pushed through the sky
By warm Spring winds.

She whispers sweet nothings in my ear.
"I love you Mommy,
I'll never leave you, never."
I smile, but I know
He will come for her soon
And my heart will break.

Over Exposed

2007-11-19T07:46:00.000-06:00

Mark and I were in the car and the challenge was issued to "How many Newberry Award winners can you name?"

We were talking to each other, not to the kids, but Little Pitchers Have Big Ears. From the back seat Caroline pipes up. Confusing the Newberry Awards (for text)with the Caldecott Awards (for picture books), she rolls her eyes and says, "Let me guess... Jan Brett, Jan Brett, Jan Brett."

Actually, Jan Brett has never won a Caldecott, and in Caroline's book, Little Pictures Get Big Sneers.

Security

2007-11-17T14:55:00.000-06:00

Mark took Caroline out for some things early this morning, telling Colin he was staying home with Mommy. Mommy, it should be said, was still in bed.

I hear the door close, then I hear little footstep coming up the stairs. I also hear Colin chanting under his breath "just making sure... just making sure... just making sure."

He comes into my room, on to my bed, and pulls back the covers.

"What do you need, sweetheart?" I ask.

"Just making sure I hadn't been left all alone," he replied, relief evident in his voice.

He got an extra large helping of snuggles from Mommy after that.

Contemporary Living at Disney World

2007-11-06T12:08:00.001-06:00

I've never been really excited about the idea of staying at the Contemporary Resort in Disney World. It's futuristic look is looking pretty dated and it's the most expensive of all the resorts, so it wasn't very high on my list. However, Mark is staying there this week on a business trip, and he has sent me photos of his room. I've got to admit, it's pretty snazzy. He's in one of the most recently updated rooms.

It's got the latest and greatest in terms of technology, including an in-room computer and flat screen tv, which makes up for it's less than modern exterior.

Plus he's in a great room! He's got a view of Cinderella's castle from his balcony, and when he steps out of his room, he can see straight down the middle of the building and watch the characters at Chef Mickey's do their parade.

House Rules

2007-11-02T21:13:00.000-05:00

Colin has been having difficulty following the rules in Kindergarten. Last week he got a note home saying he had been climbing on the table.

"What were you thinking!" I storm at him.

"Why are we not allowed to get on the table?" he asks in a sweet puzzled voice.

"Sweetheart, you could get hurt. You need to obey the rules in order to stay safe."

"But then..." he wonders, "why isn't that the rule at home?"

Lazy Mom

2007-11-02T20:58:00.001-05:00

Colin was supposed to go to school dressed as a "community helper." I had several excellent (lazy and cheap) ideas.

Football Coach -- hand-me-down football jersey.
Karate teacher -- karate outfit he already owns.
Fireman -- he has a plastic fireman's hat. Add a stuffed toy Dalmatian.
Principal -- just wear a tie.

But the night before (it's always the night before) he announced that he absolutely HAD to be a dentist. Nothing else would do. He described in elaborate detail exactly what the costume should look like.

I should note that my neighbor Debi sews beautiful costumes for her son Alex. Since Alex is Colin's best friend, he is familiar with Alex's extensive costume wardrobe, often altered to Alex's specifications.

Tragically, I am not Miss Debi.

So instead I dug through the closet, and came up with a red bathrobe, two sizes two big. It wasn't a white lab coat, but it would have to do. I took an index card a wrote on it "Dr. Colin -- dentist" and hot glued it to make a "pocket" on the robe, stuck a toothbrush in it and called it done.

Wishing I had had the time to buy a white coat, I tried to impart the importance of giving Mommy time to get the supplies. I asked him "next time you want a special costume, you know what you need to do?"

Without hesitation, Colin replied "Ask Miss Debi!"

Good Answers

2007-09-12T14:28:00.001-05:00

Here are Caroline's answers on a questionnaire from the teacher. Spelling has been corrected.

1) In one word, describe your first day of third grade.
"Movies"
(Are they watching training videos? No idea about this one.)

2) What was your greatest worry before you arrived in your new classroom?
"That I would not do well."
(Poor sweetie. She was really nervous.)

3) What was the best thing about this special day?
"Learning"
(Atta, girl!)

4) Who are 3 of your best friends in the class?
"I haven't gotten to know everyone."
(Very diplomatic or very picky?)

5) What do you think are going to be your two favorite subjects"
"Science and Reading"

6) List three questions you would like to ask the teacher.
"1. Do most students fail the TAKS test."
(Teacher's answer "NO!" They get the kids all riled up over this test and Caroline is terrified of failing it, even though this is a "lowest common denominator" kind of test.
"2. How much work is there?"
(Teacher's answer: "Alot!" Lazy kid.)
"3. Are the teachers nice?"
(Teacher's answer: "Yes!" Well, of course she's going to say that. Don't trust anyone who has an agenda, Caroline!)

7) What 3 things do you want your teacher to know about you?
"I love fairytales. I'm a reader. I like science."

8) What do expect your teacher to do for you this year?
"Teach me."
(Right to the point!)

Running Man

2007-09-06T13:32:00.000-05:00

Colin is following in the footsteps of his Uncle Alex and both Grandpa's by taking up running.

At school the children are required to walk, run, skip, hop or otherwise move around the track for 12 minutes. Each time around the get a popsicle stick to trace their progress. 1 stick = 1 lap. 4 sticks = 1 mile. Caroline, now starting the third grade, has managed to complete one mile in 12 minutes ONCE in her scholastic career.

Colin, on his first day of school, ran the track completing one mile well before his 12 minutes were up. He and his best friend reported to me that other little boys were pushing them out of the way, and Colin fell down, dropping his sticks. "But," Colin reported to me fiercely, "I picked up my sticks and still beat him to the end."

Way to go, Colin!

Couponing

2007-09-06T13:20:00.000-05:00

When I was a kid, Dad taught me math by taking me to the grocery store with him. I would cut all the coupons out of the Sunday paper, and together we would calculate price per ounce and determine if the better value could be had with the coupon or by using a different brand.

8 fluid ounces to a cup, 2 cups to a pint, 2 pints to a quart, 4 quarts to a gallon -- see Dad, I do remember! I actually had to explain this to a grocery clerk the other day. They were selling spring water for 50 cents a gallon, and I filled up my quart bottle with water. The clerk was in a panic about how much to charge me. I told him 12 1/2 cents, but that just made it worse. He ended up telling me to just take the water and go.

But even with careful comparison shopping, the lure of a coupon can lead to disaster. In a rush yesterday, I printed off a coupon to use at the craft store, as I was on my way out the door. Unfortunately, I forgot to log off AOL. I didn't return to my computer until the next morning, discovering I'd been logged onto AOL all night.

Savings at Joann's Crafts with coupon... $3.50
Cost of leaving AOL on all night... $35.43
Learning experience... priceless

Jusrassic Lies

2007-08-08T14:21:00.000-05:00

Colin has a keen interest in Paleontology lately, which I certainly encourage. However, at times it does stretch the limits of my knowledge and my patience.

I'm in the middle of some household chore or another, where I can't get to a computer easily, and he starts pestering me.

Colin: What period did the dinosaurs live in?
Me: Jurassic (I'm just guessing here. I hope I'm right.)
Colin: What period are we in now?
Me: Um... the Modern period.
Colin: Yeah, but what is it called?
Me: That is what it's called. (Oh, God! He's getting too smart for me.)
Colin: What period is the very first period?
Me: Um... (I have no clue)... the Thoracic (Thank heavens he can't read yet.)
Colin: What was the Cretaceous period?
Me: Er... that's when lobsters were invented.
Colin: When did life begin?
Me: During the uh, Triaminic period (sounds good to me)

How did a five year old get too smart for me?

Not Of General Interest

2007-08-08T14:17:00.000-05:00

Caroline comes downstairs and says to Colin, "I just did the most AWESOME thing!"

Colin, who is watching tv intently, ignores her.

So she repeats, "Colin, I just did the most AWESOME thing!" at which point Colin turns to her with annoyance and snaps
"SO GO DO IT AGAIN!"

Mr. Picky and the Party Animal

2007-07-02T08:33:00.001-05:00

Overheard conversation between the two five year-old cousins:

Lani: Colin, do you know what my favorite grown-up drink is?
Colin: What?
Lani: Champagne!
Colin: (completely unfazed) My favorite grown-up drink is juice. Just apple juice though. Not any kind of juice.

I love listening to their conversations!

Tour Bus Trip

2007-04-28T15:45:00.000-05:00

Since Mark is in conferences all day (Mu-ha-ha-ha! Evil Laugh!)I decided to take a tour bus around NY. Unfortunately, it was wet, cold, and foggy, so I did not take any pictures:
Look, here's St Paul's cathedral in a down pour!
This is the John Lennon mosaic covered in muddy footprint!
You can almost make out the Statue of Liberty through the fog!

But I did have a good time, despite the weather. I learned a lot of facts (some of which might even be true) and saw a lot of things I didn't even know about.

Our cutie-pie tour guide (he once had a speaking part on an episode of Law and Order!) was really fun. He stayed with us the whole time. It wasn't one of the red bus tours where they drop you off and you catch the next bus when you are done. We all stayed together.

We saw Ground Zero, Wall Street, Trinity Church, as well as important places like Yoko Ono's apartment building. ;-) We also took the Statten Island Ferry out to Statten Island, then got right back on in the other direction, spending a total of three minutes there. You can't just ride back on the same boat for security reasons. I did take a picture of the Ferry Station, which has the words in large letters across the wall "We were very tired, we were very merry..." I took a picture for you, Mom.

In the evening, Mark and I were supposed to go to a shin-dig at the conference, but we played hooky and went to a play instead. Right outside our hotel is the TKIT office, where you can buy last minute tickets at discount prices. We would have liked to see Spamalot, but they only had one ticket left, so we decided on Rent instead, which was probably not the best choice. The production quality was far below that of the other plays we have seen.

Today I saw Avenue Q without Mark. That is possibly the funniest play I have ever ever seen. I highly recommend it. It is Sesame Street for adults.

I also did a little shopping and spent too much money, mostly on stuff for the kids, who don't need anything anyhow. But what's a little more clutter between family? Right?

We will be returning tomorrow (Sunday) and can't wait to be home.

Gluten Free in NYC

2007-04-27T21:05:00.000-05:00

Pizza, hot dogs, knish, bagels... the city calls out from every street corner "eat gluten!" At this time, I would gladly mug someone for the chance to eat potato pancakes without getting sick. (I ask - they always contain flour.)

Fortunately, the Internet is a wonderful place and I found a gluten-free restaurant in the West Village. The Gluten-Free Girl blog sent me to Risotteria, a risotto restaurant that primarily sells gluten-free food. Mark had a "full gluten" pizza, but I had the most incredible risotto. It was super creamy with mozzarella and pesto, all stirred up together and served like a stew. They brought gluten-free bread sticks to the table (nice crunchy, flaky crust) and we drank lemonade. We couldn't decide on the dessert, so we ordered three: a cupcake, carrot cake and a "fudgie."

The fudgie turned out to be two very large chocolate chip cookies, sandwiched together with a massive amount of chocolate icing. They cookies themselves were a little too sweet, so when you add in the frosting it was sugar overload. The cupcake was fun. It was chocolate decorated with white boiled icing and topped with colorful sprinkles. Inside was a cream filling. It was kind of like eating a Ho-Ho. But the real winner was the carrot cake. Carrot cake is such a great dessert for gluten-free cooking, because it is dense rather than airy. This was great, with lots of nuts and dates, and a cream cheese frosting. Yummy.

Friday night we wandered Time Square in search of food. We had tickets to see Rent, so we couldn't go too far. We found a neat place called Duke's that had all kinds of food in a quasi-cafeteria style. I had a make-your-own salad (they make it, but I got to decide what went in it) and Mark had panini. We both had fresh squeezed OJ and we bought some chocolate bars for dessert. Our dinner was only $30, a bargain on Broadway.

It's been kind of challenging eating here in NYC. Not because the food I can eat doesn't exist -- it does; but I have to learn where it is and that reduces our ability to be spontaneous. Fortunately, there are many fresh fruit stands all over the city, so I won't be needing to rely on that ol' Frisco standby -- Fritos.

"Start spreading the news..."

2007-04-26T12:11:00.000-05:00

My first full day in NYC! I was on my own today. I walked to 32nd street to visit a spa. That was a really wild experience. The spa was tucked away in the Korean section of town, not visible from the street. I had to take this rickety elevator up to their floor, but once I got there it was lovely.

In the center of the facility is a giant jade igloo. Yes, I typed that correctly. It is a very large sauna, shaped like an igloo, and made of rough-hewn chunks of jade. (Jade is supposed to have some type of healing power. Whatever. I just like rocks.) So my first stop was there... after a quick shower.

After the sauna, I took another shower. I took a lot of showers at this spa. I lost count. I shouldn't need to take another shower for a week. (Kidding)

Then came the bath. Er, excuse me.. "Japanese Style Soaking Tub." It was a giant bathtub, the size of a Jacuzzi, but no jets. Floating in the tub were about a dozen whole lemons. And the tiles on the tub were, of course, made of jade!

Then another shower.

On to the steam room, a glass structure shaped like a hut. There was some type of aroma-therapy going on there, and it was nice. I normally love steam rooms, but my body temperature was pretty high after a sauna and hot bath, even with the cool down showers in between, so I didn't last long. Still, it sure clears out the sinuses!

And then another shower.

Next I was led to the "Baked clay, low temperature sauna," which, as far as I could tell was just a room with low lighting. I tried meditation for a while, but frankly, I suck at meditation. I always have. So I did my stretching exercises, which I hadn't had a chance to do that day.

After a while, they came and got me. I signed up for a "facial and brow shaping."
Next time I will ask a lot more questions before signing up for something. I have had brow shaping at home. Not often, but a few times, and they just put some wax on my eyebrows, pull it off and your done. The sadist who was my... whatever you call them...beauty specialist?... told me that waxing is bad for your eyes and makes them droopy faster. She was a believer in the good old fashioned way -- tweezers. I should have said no, but my pride (and about $100, prepaid) was on the line, so I said "go for it." All I can say is "OUCH!"

After the Eyebrow Torture, she washed my face with a dozen different substances, then proceeded to "detoxify" my skin. I assumed this meant some kind of mud mask. Nope. She proceeded to squeeze each of my pores individually, scraping them out with a tiny little awl. Every time I complained about the pain (every time she did it, it hurt, but sometimes it was particularly painful) she would say (in a deep Ukrainian accent) "you have blackheads, must go." I didn't even know I had these so called blackheads. You would think that they would be, well... black. But apparently these were subterranean blackheads, just waiting to pop out at any time.

Finally she was done. (She even cleaned the inside of my ears. She was that thorough. Wouldn't want to miss and opportunity for causing pain.) She put some type of liquid on my face that was supposed to soothe, but frankly it just stung. But I did get a consolation prize. She gave me a partial massage -- neck, arms, and hands. That was nice.

So I went back to the hotel all nice and shiny. I walked back on 5th Avenue, just to check it out. I took a nice nap, and when Mark was done for the day, we went out to dinner at a Gluten-Free restaurant in Greenwitch Village. More on that in the next post (which you are probably reading backwards, since that is the way they appear on the blog. So really, you've already read that, and you will be reading about my first day next. Oh, well.)

"I want to be a part of it.. NY, NY!"

2007-04-26T11:58:00.000-05:00

Here I am in New York City. Footloose and child-free! Mark has conferences all day long so I am all by my lonesome...oh, what shall I do? Ha!

Yesterday we arrived in the early afternoon. I nearly got killed before I even left the airport. Crosswalk at airport. Pedestrians have the right of way, right? Apparently not. The bus never even slowed down. Fortunately Mark yelled out a warning (he was already across the street, but I was lagging behind) and saved me.

The relationship between traffic and pedestrians is very strange here. The pedestrians ignore the traffic signals, stepping out into intersections with cars baralling at them. The cars, in turn, ignore the pedestrians, barralling through intersections even when the pedestrians have the right of way.

But we had a great day. We walked around Times Square and down Broadway, all the way to Central Park and took the obligitory carriage ride. It was fun seeing the Plaza Hotel where Eloise "lives." In one of the kid's videos, Eloise runs out of the hotel and gets a horse-drawn carriage to take her where she needs to go. I thought that was a little far-fetched, but they are literally right there on the corner. She could easily have gotten there before anyone could even catch her. Cool.

And of course the highlight of the evening was Wicked. An incredible production. Phenomenal sets. Great songs. Great acting. The book, of course, has so much more detail and is well worth reading, but there is something appealing about it being less deep and more fun. Glinda was so funny, it just made the whole thing work.

That's Wednesday. New post for Thurday.

Time and Time Again

2007-04-24T14:08:00.000-05:00

This note was dated 2-9-05, so Colin was three years old.

Since Christmas, Colin has been calling me "Green Mantis" (the bad guy from the TV show Kikaida). Now he claims he is Kikaida and his sister is Baby Jiro (a character he has made up), and Daddy is another bad guy, "Orange Ant."

One of the girls in our Girl Scout troop was telling the other girls that Colin's nickname is Ducky (which it is). Colin stood up straight, clearly annoyed, and said to the troop "My name is Kikaida!"

As time goes by

2007-04-24T14:06:00.000-05:00

More from the notes I found yesterday...

On his third birthday, I caught Colin with the tube of toothpaste in his mouth, squeezing it into his mouth.

I said "Colin! We do NOT eat toothpaste!"

He said "But I'm hungry!"

How Fast Time Flies

2007-04-24T14:02:00.000-05:00

Found some old notes tucked in a book... makes me aware of just how much Colin has grown.

Age 2 -- Colin was running around the house singing to the tune of Jingle Bells:
Raisin Bran, Raisin Bran
Raisins all the way
Oh what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse raisin sleigh.

One thing hasn't changed -- three years later and he's still obsessed with cereal.

Job Hopping

2007-04-17T08:45:00.000-05:00

I had a conference with Colin's preschool teacher. She has pronounced Colin ready for Kindergarten. She described him as having "a quick wit and a gentle spirit." That's my boy!

Colin is more interested in his long term future. As the child of two Gen-X'ers, he takes it for granted that he will have multiple careers in his lifetime. His current plan:

First he will become a physicist and build rocketships.
Next, he would like to be a circus performer.
Finally, he will move on to building robots like his Gramps and Uncle James.

Upon further reflection, he made said thoughtfully, "maybe I should be a circus performer first. Even little kids can do that!"

(We saw a circus show with a young boy in it. He was part of a family act.)

I'm glad to see he is being practical. ;-)

An important lesson

2007-04-17T08:35:00.000-05:00

We have been working on the party for Caroline's eighth birthday.

We made handmade invitations. I obsessed over mine. Any imperfection was agonizing. Caroline happily attacked hers with abandon, the process more important than the results. She was thrilled with the final product.

We planned the party favors. I had trouble finding the "perfect" bags to put the favors in. Caroline had a solution. We took plain ol' brown lunch bags and rubber stamped them with fairy stamps we already owned. The bags were covered in inky fingerprints as well as fairies, but Caroline was pleased and proud.

This is a fairy party and Caroline has planned the decor. We made a tree out of grocery sacks that we taped to the wall. Caroline will draw pictures of fairies to put on the branches. The fairies aren't done yet, but the tree looks great. I'm trying to look past the enormous amounts of tape used. I'm learning a lesson from Caroline. Perfection is not nearly as important as imagination.

Spectral analysis

2007-04-16T21:52:00.000-05:00

Colin asked me "how do you make yellow?"

I said that you don't make yellow. It is a primary color.

"But how do you make it?"

You can't mix other colors to get yellow; yellow is just yellow. A primary color.

"You can make yellow. God made yellow."

Well, yes. OK, God made yellow.

Colin warms to his subject now...

"God made the primary colors. Then he sent his disciples out to make the secondary colors. There were ten hundred and ninety-nine of them."

Colors or disciples?

"Disciples. And the last disciple was Peter. He mixed all the colors up together. After that, God was in charge of the colors."

Scaling Mt Washmore

2007-03-17T11:13:00.000-05:00

I asked Caroline to bring me the sheets off her bed.

She looked at me with genuine confusion and said...

"Why?"

Maybe I should change the sheets more often.

Ode to Disney World

2007-03-06T09:00:00.000-06:00

With apologies to Edna St. Vincent Millay and to Mom and Dad for mangling their favorite poem.

We were very tired, we were very merry.
We rode back and forth, quite a lot, on the ferry.
You ate some popcorn
and I ate an ear
of a Mickey Mouse ice-cream
we had bought somewhere.
We bade good 'morrow to a princess in beads
and we bought some souvenirs
which neither of us needs.
We heard Cinderella music
and the theme song from Cars
And the fireworks exploded
like buckets full of stars.

Christmas Memories 2006

2006-12-25T17:39:00.000-06:00

I am sitting on the couch in Port Arthur, on Christmas day, typing away on my new laptop... life is good...

A few of my kid moments...

Caroline, Colin and Lani pretending that they are "scientist-es" fighting the flu -- by beating him up.

Lani comes in to the kitchen where Analida and I are working and asks if she can paint Caroline's nails. Analida says we don't have any nailpolish. So Lani disappears, and a few minutes later Caroline shows up and wants me to admire her nails! Lani's Christmas present to Caroline was a Fairytopia nail polish kit and the girls decided to open it a day early! Got to admire Lani's initiative.

Caroline acting as tour guide as she leads us through her "Museum of Pretty Things" which included barbies, fake jewelry and stuff. She had a great tour guide voice.

Seeing the cuties in their new Christmas pajamas.

Seeing them jump up and down with excitement.

I hope all of you had a great Christmas too. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

Boo hoo!

2006-12-12T12:31:00.000-06:00

Here is Caroline's goodbye letter to her best friend Faith:

Dear Faith,
You were the closest girl to a sister I have ever had. I will miss your funny voice and your good sense of humor. Your smile made me smile. I always felt good when you were near me. I hope we can still be friends. I will miss you very much. Your very close friend, Caroline

They leave on Saturday morning, so it's time to break out the kleenex.

Literal

2006-11-29T16:26:00.000-06:00

I went totally ballistic yesterday. I walked into the room to see Colin cutting little pieces off of our Christmas tree with a pair of scissors.

"What are you doing! What were you thinking! Give me those scissors! What would ever possess you to do a thing like that?" I yell with outrage in my voice.

He looks up at me with tears in his little eyes and says:
"But Mommy, you said we needed to trim the tree."

Fond Farewell

2006-11-29T16:16:00.000-06:00

Caroline's best-friend-and-nextdoor-neighbor Faith is moving to Jacksonville, Florida. It is a very tragic event here in the Morris household. They do not remember not knowing each other. I remember when they first met -- Out the window, I saw a little blond child walking up to each house so I grabbed Caroline and went outside to "check the mail." It was Faith's first day in the neighborhood and she was out for a walk with her mother. She was going up to each house looking for signs that a child lived there. She had been living in a hotel for two months and was desperate for playmates. Caroline asked her if she liked "whapping trees with sticks." Faith said yes, Caroline handed her a stick, and they both started to whack the tree trunk with them! This amused them both immensely. When they left, Caroline yelled after them "Bye, Naith!"

Her Mom (Anne) and I bonded almost as well the girls. We both stood there in our matching black leather jackets (quite new and fashionable at the time -- we are both still wearing them 5 years later); both pregnant and new to being stay-at-home moms. We had our second babies within 3 months of each other.

Caroline had no shoes on that day -- we had run out of the house immediately I saw Faith out the window, and anyway, Caroline never has shoes on. Faith wanted to take her shoes off too, but her mother wouldn't let her. (It was December and it was pretty chilly.) That's played out a million times since then, with Caroline always barefoot and Faith's mom insisting on shoes. I noticed this afternoon though, that when Caroline took off her shoes (before we even left the school yard), Faith's little sister Summer took off her shoes too. And Anne let her. I think we've finally worn her down.

Refreshing Beverage

2006-10-21T12:01:00.000-05:00

One of Colin's little friends is totally into Star Wars. Yesterday, we was energetically acting out a scene for me, culminating in Han Solo's capture when he gets frozen in carbonite.

"He goes down into the chamber and..." (at this point the little guy mimics Han Solo's grimaced expression and frozen stance) "...he's frozen carbonated!"

So basically, Han is a Coke Slushee.

Flylady Sucks!

2006-10-17T13:35:00.000-05:00

I have been a disciple of Flylady for several years now, but there are a few problems with her reasoning. They really don't account for 4 year-olds.

One of her mandates is to get dressed (including shoes) first thing every morning and put on make-up. I don't usually wear make-up, but this morning I thought I'd do ahead and make the effort.

In the five minutes it took me to apply a little blush and lipgloss, Colin took his bowl of cereal to the upstairs bathroom (spilling several times) in order to "perform an experiment." As far as I could tell, the "experiment" was to see how much mess one person can make.

So, Flylady's "only takes 5 minutes" directive actually cost me about 25 minutes -- 5 for the make-up, 10 for cleaning up the mess, and another 10 for yelling at Colin. (I amortized this over the course of the morning, berating him whenever he begged for more cereal.)

He's supposed to be watching a video right now. If he isn't, I shudder to think what damage has been wrecked during the time it took me to blog this.

Superhighway Accidents

2006-10-14T09:13:00.000-05:00

The problem with the internet is that, every now and then, a seemingly innocuous search results in more information than you wanted to know. Like the time I wanted to buy a "shag rug." I was at work too. How embarrassing.

I am putting together a little cookbook for Colin, and since he can't read, I am using little pictures to help him identify the ingredients. For the chocolate chip cookie recipe, I needed a picture of brown sugar, so I did an image search on Yahoo!, and got an eyeful.

Apparently, education really is a lifelong process.

CadenWatch

2006-10-10T10:18:00.000-05:00

I have mentioned Caroline's "boyfriend" Caden before. I recently found a picture of the two of them at Caroline's third birthday. I can't believe it's been that long!

Well, the two of them don't get to see each other very often now, since they go to different schools, but we still try to get them together as often as possible. They were both devastated yesterday when we had to cancel a playdate because Caden's brother was sick.

Caden said to his mom that Caroline is still his girlfriend, but that she is going to have to be his secret girlfriend. Apparently a boy in his class said that if Caden had a girlfriend they would have to kick him out of the Boy Club.

"So," Caden said, "she's still my girlfriend, but I'm just not going to tell them that."

It made me think of a time when they were younger -- one of Caden's friends told him that girls have Cooties. Caden declared that most girls have Cooties, but not Caroline.

I wonder what forms you have to file for a Cootie-Exemption?

My daughter, the author

2006-10-10T10:05:00.000-05:00

Caroline can't spell for beans, but she sure can write! She was given an assignment to write sentences about a tree. The sample sentence was "my favorite climbing tree is big." Here is Caroline's essay (spelling corrected):

"My favorite tree has smooth dark and fat branches. I love to climb it. This may sound silly, but I call it the Mother Tree because it looks like a young woman Ent."

Gee, I would have expected a second-grader to know that female Ents are called Entwives! Sheesh, what a dummy. ;-)

Imaginary Numbers

2006-10-09T08:18:00.000-05:00

Colin is showing a lot of interest in numbers. He adds numbers for fun.

Recently, we mentioned that the largest number actually named by scientists is a googolplex. He was quite fascinated by this, and quickly grasped that it cannot be the largest number that exists, because you can always add one to any number. That's my guy.

He has been trying ever since to wrap his head around the number, which is, of course, asking a lot of a four-year-old's brain, since the number only exists in order to illustrate the difference between an unimaginably large number and infinity.

But, in the end, he decided that since there has to be numbers larger than a googolplex, it is up to him to name them. So far, my favorites are "a bagel" and "a million trillion billion car dinosaur."

I wonder if 10 to the power of bagel is a bagelplex?

Crossing Guard Update

2006-10-09T08:12:00.000-05:00

A while back, I told you that Colin didn't like the new crossing-guard, an African-American male. Well, our friend A.J. didn't last; he had a small problem with actually showing up. (Great guy, though. Always enjoyed talking to him.)

So now we have a new crossing-guard, a pretty, young, Caucasian Mom-type. Colin took one look at her and was so relieved that he blurted out: "She's my favorite crossing-guard!"

The crossing-guard was amused. "My first day on the job," she said, "and I'm already popular!"

Bad Parents

2006-10-09T08:03:00.000-05:00

I am guilty, your honor, of bad parenting.

As proof of my bad parenting, I offer up Exhibit A:
My children spent Saturday afternoon watching the Texas/OU game and bellowing the following traditional cheer: Give 'em hell, give 'em hell; OU sucks!

Exhibit B:
Both children, ages 7 and 4, know the words to, and frequently sing, the following song:
Deck the halls with gasoline
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Strike a match and watch it gleam
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Watch the school burn down to ashes
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Aren't you glad you play with matches?
Fa la la la la, la la la la

These are just the felony offenses, your honor. There are misdemeanor charges of unbrushed teeth, hair badly in need of cutting, allowing them to have the free cookie at the grocery store at 9 am or right before dinner, and giving them hotdogs for breakfast.

I'd say I was looking at a lifetime sentence, but parenting already is.

Embarrassing Moments

2006-09-09T12:16:00.000-05:00

We are working with Colin on politeness to strangers, including saying "thank you" to the crossing guard on our way to school. Last year's crossing guard was a sweet motherly lady named Miss Lisa, whom Colin was fond of. He wouldn't say hello to other bypassers, but at least he would say hello to Miss Lisa.

This year we have a new crossing guard, a young hip African American man named A.J. He's very friendly and outgoing, so most of the kids are delighted with him.

Colin, on the other hand, has to be pressed into mumbling "thank you." One morning, as we crossed, I reminded him gently to thank A.J.

Instead, Colin screamed -- "I won't! I don't like this crossing guard. I want the old one back!"

Where is the giant hole in the earth to swallow you up when you need one?

I am NOT making this up!

2006-09-09T12:06:00.000-05:00

You won't believe me, but this conversation really happened.

Colin announced that God was a bad guy. Under probing, he elaborated that God was naughty and deserved a spanking. He cited his cousin Lani for this information stating that "she knows everything."

"Lani said that God was naughty?" I asked, shocked.

"You were there, Mommy. She said we needed to spank God for our food!"

I never laughed so hard in my life.

Hardwired

2006-08-23T12:21:00.000-05:00

As my four year old son was snuggling in my lap this morning, he says to me:
"You know what I like about you, Mommy?"
"What, sweetheart?" I replied, feeling loved and appreciated.
"I like that you have these long, bouncy ribs," he says, jamming his finger into my boob (ouch!). "That makes you way better than Daddy."

Apparently the male obsession is lifelong.

Too much Seinfeld

2006-08-04T23:06:00.000-05:00

I love to hear adult phrases come out of kid's mouths.

When Caroline's friend Tomas started Kindergarten, he said goodbye to his teacher on the first day with "Later, babe!"

More recently, Caroline used the Seinfeld phrase "yada yada yada" (correctly) in a sentance -- "I sorted the socks by color, matched them up, yada yada yada..."

I laughed and laughed.

Elaine yada yada yada'd sex.
Caroline yada yada yada's socks.

Say What?!?

2006-07-23T15:44:00.000-05:00

While Mark and I were in the kitchen, doing dishes and making lunch, Caroline was flitting around us, describing the new game she and a friend had invented.

The gist of the game was that they were poor orphans who made it big by becoming models. (Caroline could write scripts for Mary Kate and Ashley kids movies.)

"We were in modeling contests and we won every time and made lots of money. We were in Beautiful contests, Sex contests..."

I choked. "What kind of contests?"

"Sex contests."

Her Dad is apoplectic, so I quickly say, "What is a sex contest?"

"You know, where you are supposed to be sexy. There are contests for most beautiful, most sexy..." she says, as if it is obvious.

Mark has regained his composure enough to ask what she thinks being sexy looks like.

It's hard to explain, Caroline admitted, but being beautiful means wearing dresses and pretty things, and being sexy means wearing stuff that isn't dresses and which shows your belly button.

It won't be long now before she starts writing scripts for the teenage Mary Kate and Ashley movies.

Galaxy Girl

2006-07-20T21:57:00.000-05:00

One year at Christmas, Mark bought the kids a toy from the Discovery Channel store that projects constellations onto the ceiling. The rotating mechanism has long since been destroyed, but we still have the globe itself, which sits on top of a flashlight so that the images can be projected.

When I walked into her room today, Caroline was standing on the bed, draped in a sheet, holding the "torch" straight up into the air.

"Look, Mom!" she said, "I'm the Statue of Galaxy!"

Loyalty

2006-07-20T21:50:00.000-05:00

Caroline and I watched the movie Aquamarine, about a mermaid who has three days to make a human boy fall in love with her.

Caroline wanted to know why so many of the girls in the movie were interested in the male lead, a hunky 17 year old. I said that the boy was good looking and nice, so all the girls wanted him to be their boyfriend.

Caroline said she understood why the girls like him.

"But I would never want him as my boyfriend," she said.

Why not?

"Because I already have a boyfriend! Caden is good looking and nice too."

(For those of you who have not been keeping up with CadenWatch, Caroline and Caden met when he was 2 and she was almost 3, and fell "in love" at first sight. They have now been going steady for 4 and a half years. By the time Mark and I had been going out for 4 and a half years, we were married!)

Bilingual

2006-07-12T14:43:00.000-05:00

The children were having a philosophical debate in the backseat of the car, attempting to establish a definition of "alive." Trees, Colin argued, were definitely alive, but he was unsure about plants and bugs. Caroline felt that everything was alive. I chimed in with answers, but both children seemed not to hear me. Instead of listening to the wisdom of their mother, they chose a different expert.

"Let's ask Tiger Lily," Caroline said, suggesting that a cat would naturally have an innate understanding of all things organic.
"But Tiger Lily only meows," Colin said sagely.
But this was not a deterrent for Caroline, who said confidently:
"I speak Meowish."

At the lake

2006-06-27T11:37:00.000-05:00

Colin said to me today, "Mommy, how can kids have so much fun in one day!"

That's what summer vacation is all about.

Omnivores

2006-06-16T19:00:00.000-05:00

We have been talking a lot about the word "vegetarian" because my children just watched Shark Tales, the story of a vegetarian shark.

So, I have explained that in real life all sharks are carnivores. "In fact," I joked, "in fact, they are fishatarians."

Colin said with enthusiasm -- "I'm an everything-atarian!"

Spoilers (sort of)

2006-06-04T14:51:00.000-05:00

I was just re-reading The Half-Blood Prince, so I have Harry Potter on the brain. Here are my predictions for the last book. Jimmy, if you want to stop reading here, then you have a great deal of faith in my powers of precognition!

Here goes...

RAB is Regulus Black, Sirius' brother
Three of the four remaining horcruxes are at Sirius' mansion (the other horcrux, of course, is Nagini the snake).
Kreacher knows where they are.
Snape did not betray the Order. He killed Dumbledor on his own order, in order to protect Draco and so that Snape could continue spying on Voldemort.
Snape hates Harry because Snape was in love with Harry's mother. Snape feels that Lily didn't have to die, that she shouldn't have sacrificed herself for Harry.
Also, looking at Harry, who resembles his father, reminds him that Lily chose James instead of him.
It was the guilt of having led Voldemort to kill Lily that led Snape to switch sides.

That's all I've got worked out... and it's a loooong time 'til the next book, so by the time the next book comes out, you will all have forgotten what I said and I won't be able to say "I told you so."

To Pee or Not To Pee...

2006-06-01T15:23:00.000-05:00

That is the question.

Whether it is wiser to suffer the frustration and messy pants
resulting from allowing Colin to choose when he will go,
and thereby allowing him to learn from failure...
OR to take arms against the problem to prevent a sea of wee-wee,
and by reminding, teach him.
Ay, there's the rub; for if he is reminded, what will happen
when we have ceased reminding?

The patient merit of the Mom breaks
When he himself might his poopy make
And presents me with his bare bodkin!

If I Blogged Daily

2006-05-28T10:56:00.000-05:00

Some people (and you know who you are) have suggested that I need to blog more often. So, here is a sample of what my entries would look like if I did it daily.

Ate toast for breakfast
Yelled at the children
Wore my new socks with the puppies on them
Colin ate 12 bowls of cereal
Colin pee'd in his pants
Children watched obscene amounts of tv
Children played obscene amounts of video games
Did token amount of housework just before Mark arrived home so that he would think I do something all day

Goal for tomorrow: cut and paste this entry for tomorrow's blog. ;)

Wanderlust

2006-05-18T08:20:00.000-05:00

Mom sent me this link to a great article about books that have inspired other writers to travel. So here is my own list of 5 books that make me yearn to travel (in no particular order).

Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy -- the ultimate travel adventure, hitchhiking through outer space, taking with you only a towel. Would I have been as brave as Trillian, seizing the chance to see the universe, given only a split second to make up my mind? Unfortunately, no. Oddly, the travel destination this book makes me yearn for is Alaska. A character in the book lovingly describes the award-winning fjords he designed when the supercomputer known as Planet Earth was constructed. I can't see the universe, but the fjords are within my reach.

Mark Twain's Innocents Abroad -- another travel classic. Among the many adventures Twain experiences as part of the first organized American tour of Europe and the middle East, my favorite takes place in Greece. Due to a quarantine, their ship was denied harbor, ruining their chances to see Athens. Undeterred, Twain leads a small expedition under cover of night to shore, stumbling across the countryside in search of the Parthenon. They make it and even manage to bribe a guard into letting them inside. Best of all is their return to the ship, darting through vineyards and stuffing their mouths with grapes as they go.

A Room With A View -- On her first trip to Venice, our young heroine is disappointed to find that she has been assigned a room with no view. Fortunately, a more experienced traveler trades rooms with her, in agreement that a Room With A View is essential to the Venice experience. What sticks in my mind is her red Baedeker clutched in her hands at all times. This I can identify with -- I always keep my travel guide handy to avoid missing something important, and the book left me with a particular fondness for Baedeker guidebooks.

The Vampire Lestat -- Or maybe it was Queen of the Damned. I can't remember. The Vampire Gabrielle wanders through the forests of the Amazon, finding ruins that haven't been seen by human eyes in centuries. If I couldn't be hurt, if I didn't feel pain, there is so much I would do. I'd travel the rainforests. I'd ski extreme mountains. I'd hike to the top of Mt. Everest. I'd travel the world, unafraid of kidnappers and war zones. But it's hard to be brave when you're a Very Small Animal.

The Hobbit – “There and Back Again, A Hobbit’s Holiday” is the title of Bilbo’s memoir. The places may be fictional, but again I envy the bravery that I myself have never had. J.R.R. Tolkien creates a fantasy in which I can believe that, like Bilbo, I could overcome my fears and need for creature comforts to experience an adventure of a lifetime.

But then again, who needs to travel when there are so many adventures waiting to be read?

Reader's Cramp

2006-05-17T13:06:00.000-05:00

A nice case of Writer's Cramp is something to be proud of. It indicates a certain amount of hard work being performed by your hands and, possibly, your brain.

Reader's Cramp, however, is pretty much an affliction of the idle. Since I am naturally slothful, this is a condition I have experienced many times.

Including today, since I spent the better part of yesterday evening reading the latest Jasper Fford novel. The pain starts right below my ear, travels down my neck and settles in the spot where the neck and shoulder meet. Here it is the worst, but unlike me, this pain is not indolent and has traveled adventurously down my arm, all the way to my wrist. It has also wormed it's way into my shoulder blade and is doing a fair job of working itself into a tension headache as well.

This condition, of course, results from laying on a bed reading, with one arm propping me up. I will be taking an Advil, however, it will only be a stopgap as I fully intend to continue the harmful activity tonight. However, in the interest of my health I will take precautions... I will prop myself up using the other arm.

Nights of the Round Table

2006-05-12T08:15:00.000-05:00

The music teacher had the children lined up to play a game.

"We're going to the castle," she said, "and you girls are princesses. Colin, you can be a knight."

"No," said Colin. "I'm a Day Prince."

A Limerick

2006-05-04T21:16:00.000-05:00

There once was a boy who was keen
To maintain his bedtime routine.
He'd pluck hair from Mom's head
While they lay there in bed
Until Mommy was ready to scream.

A Useful Education

2006-05-02T16:43:00.000-05:00

The topic was kisses.

"I want to give Colin a kiss," said Caroline.
"That's nice," I said. "Go kiss him."
"Well, he doesn't want to be kissed. Whenever I try, he pushes me away," she replied.
"Well, you shouldn't kiss him if he doesn't want to be kissed," I answered. After some thought, I added truthfully -- "of course, my strategy is just to grab him, hold him down, and kiss him anyway."
"Usually," shared Caroline, "I can fool him. I can say 'hey look! There's a flying donkey.' He turns to look and then I kiss him. He's such a sap."

I let that sink in for a second.

"Did you say 'sap'?" I asked.
"Uh-huh. It means someone who is easily fooled," says the walking dictionary.
"That's true," I said, "but how do you know that?"
"Geez, Mom! That's like the most common word in The Word Game."

The Word Game is a game played at school, where the students are given certain letters and asked to make as many words out of those letters as they can.

Sap. It's good to know they are learning something useful in school. As an oldest child, I know that there is nothing more important in life than being able to effectively and creatively insult your younger brother.

Caroline's Song

2006-05-02T09:51:00.000-05:00

Caroline composed the following song yesterday:

My watch doesn't say a time.
My watch doesn't say a time.
Not 3:00
Not 6:30
Not 12:15
or 5:09
My watch doesn't say a time.
'Cause I'm an alien, that's why.

My clock doesn't say a time.
My clock
Not 6:00
Not 5:09
Not 1:30
or 12:15
My clock doesn't say a time.
'Cause I'm an alien, that's why
And it's the end of time.

My sundial doesn't say a time.
My sundial doesn't say a time.
Not 1:00
Or 12:15
Not 2:30
or 5:09
My sundial doesn't say a time.
'Cause I'm an alien, that's why.
Yeah!

Kitty Luau

2006-05-01T11:02:00.000-05:00

It is a tradition in Hawaii to celebrate a child's first birthday with a luau. Each of our children had a First Birthday Luau in their honor. So our children thought that it only made sense to have another one in honor of... our cat's first birthday.

Tiger Lily turns one year old on May 5th. Happy Cinco de Mayo, Tiger Lily.

We invited friends to come celebrate with us. There was coconut shrimp and chicken teriyaki. There were Tiki Torches lighting up the back yard. There were leis for everyone. There were presents for Tiger Lily, and two cakes -- one for the humans and one made of cat food.

And the guest of honor spent the entire party crouched nervously under the bed.