Epidermal Removal

Twice a year, at my parenting support group, we treat ourselves to a "spa day." We have a masseuse come in and while each member is getting her massage, the rest of us soak are feet, paint our nails, and try out various beauty products.

Now, I know next to nothing about skin care products, but it's always fun to try out yummy smelling goop. Using my aforementioned extensive knowledge of beauty products, I chose my facial scrub with scientific accuracy -- I grabbed the closest one.

As I was rubbing this stuff on my face, one of the other ladies called out to me -- "Sandy, are you using the Thermal Dermal Scrub?" A quick look at the bottle confirmed that I was.

"Oh, I can't use that," said one friend.
"It makes my skin blotchy for days," said another.

The stuff was already on my face, though, and it said to leave it on for 5 minutes. What the heck. It didn't feel irritating and I've never reacted to any products before. And 5 minutes wasn't very long. I checked the clock.

By minute 3 I was frantically washing it off my face. It couldn't have burned more if I had been using Ben Gay. Even after it was all washed away, my face felt like it was on fire. A quick look in the mirror revealed that I looked like I was on fire too -- or at least very badly sunburned. As I sat gasping, fanning myself with my hands in the vain hope of dousing the flames. At this point I was seriously considering sticking my head in the freezer. I managed to croak out, "what is this stuff supposed to do anyway?"

"Oh, it's great," said a woman who is obviously insane. "It takes the whole top layer of your skin off! Don't you love the way it tingles?"

I hope beauty isn't only skin deep, 'cause if it is, I've just lost mine.